This is one of those vulnerable posts that you will see from time to time on this blog. I don’t mind sharing my struggles or even my moments of weakness, but I want to use these moments as lessons. We all must learn something through the adversities, trials, and tribulations of life, or we will find ourselves repeating the same lessons or cycles. As I reflect on the past few months, I can’t help but think about the failures and broken agreements I made with God during this time. Trust me when I say I’ve done a significant amount of repenting and shedding tears. Some of my tears were because I deep regret and remorse while others were because of a fresh realization of God's great love for me. He set me free in those moments!
God had to show me the biggest reason that I haven’t moved forward with the assignments or missions He has given me is due to fear. I tried to tell myself it was due to school or me desiring to focus my attention on my first ministry: My children. Although these two things are important especially my boys, I had to look deeper and stop lying to myself. I had to think back over my life about the moments I was so paralyzed by fear that I either ran away or suddenly stopped before I even picked up momentum. I allowed the voice of fear to drown out the voice of the Holy Spirit and delegate how I lived my life. I also allowed fear to cause me not to trust God and His perfect plan for my life.
Fear has a way of gripping you and “man-handling” you until you recognize (and walk in) your God-given power and authority and cut it loose. I had to realize that I had become enslaved to fear. Because of this fear I created cycles of disobedience and rebellion. I not only had to recognize the impact of fear in my life but I also had to make the choice to go to war to break its' hold on my life. Even as I type this I hear the words, “Did I not tell you?” Those words ring loudly not as words of scolding but as words of affirmation. We all know the scripture in 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV) that declares, “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” It’s interesting how in this version it says ‘self-control’ but in other translations it says, ‘sound mind.’ Self-control is a call to be disciplined and that’s part of what I’m learning in this current season.
I thank God for His Holy Spirit and those that He has surrounded me with that continue to keep me uplifted in prayer and offer words of encouragement and wisdom. There is not a day that goes by where I’m not thankful about where He has brought me from and what He is bringing me into. I’m reminded in my quiet time with Him and through confirmations, the need to run forward with no delay. I need to run knowing that I’m fully capable and equipped to do anything He asks me to do. It is His will that I use my gifts for the purpose of ministry and building up those that He has called me to. No longer will there be an excuse that causes me to lose sight of: 1) The necessity of obedience and surrender to Him as I continue this journey 2) The call upon my life. Thank you for giving me grace as I took the time to get it together! I hope you hear me clearly when I say that you have some choices to make starting today and one of them needs to include complete freedom that we have available to us in Jesus Christ. NOW is the time to move forward and not lose focus. We’re in this together so let’s do this!
Grace, peace, and many blessings,